Zapped of Energy

It is Friday, October 16th and while it is my scheduled day off, I will be going for a short run as I missed yesterday. A 10 hour day at the office with a visit to mom after work kinda killed my energy to go out for a jog. Our household is fighting our round of the H1N1 virus, or at least that sounds cool! Quite frankly, we all have been hit with numerous bugs this Fall. Thus, the energy has been low lately.

Energy. It is such an important word in the life of an athlete but it becomes a monumental obstacle in the life of a stroke survivor. I recall at one of my first stroke support meetings that everyone seemed to be talking about their loss of energy-even many years later. One gentleman, a teacher explained that he had to quit his full time job teaching. Three years post - stroke he explained that he no longer tries to explain his fatigue to anyone as he looks normal and no one really understands. So he keeps his thoughts to himself only finding refuge in this safe environment to share with others who might understand. It is a common problem and while at first when I heard his comments even I did not think I would feel that way once I completed my rehabilitation. Then reality hit. Just ask my kids! I found myself taking naps late in the day to make it through the evening activities. I become angry and quite short with my temperament by the evening if I did not rest. If I was at work, all my energy was zapped from spending the day physically and mentally using my brain that was recovering. Now, three years post stroke, I can sympathize and relate to my school teacher friend. Granted, my family lives full days but I can not keep up without a cost anymore. And it is a loss. If I walk or jog to long, I have physical indicators to help remind me. But when you are thinking, processing, and just living a daily life, you sometimes forget how quickly you fatigue. I can no longer go for a 6am run -I must sleep longer. I can't wait to run at the end of the day as I just have no energy but sometimes I must and it becomes a struggle. This limitation of times to exercise does not work well with a work schedule so on the mornings that I run, I tend to work for an hour and then go out for my training before heading to the office. If I talk to much( yeah, hard to imagine for those that know me), my left side of my face begins to tire and I must concentrate on fully pronouncing words. I think it is this intense concentration as you compensate to push your body and mind that results in such exhaustion. It is a hidden disability in which many stroke survivors tend to blame themselves and wonder why they can not push through it. No one likes to whine about being tired especially when you look pretty normal(whatever normal is!). It is easier if you can accept it and I must say I do struggle with the notion of acceptance. But it clearly is a fight I can not win but I can push envelope by running a marathon for instance. When I do listen to my body and mind and respect how much I have recovered from stroke, I take deep breath and take a nap! So, don't be surprised if jump on the "sweeper truck" and take a break trying to complete 26.2 miles-it just may be the right thing to do! On the other hand, don't hesitate to reach out and help me along as I can do it and I really don't want that sweeper truck to pass me! I will be the slow one from Oregon with the slight limp but with a smile on my face as I bask in the glory of attemping this feat!

Weather is warm and cloudy here in PDX. Only 16 days until the Marathon! I must get some sleep......

Happy running!